Nothing says I love you...

Like a big fat melanoma. I am sickened right now by a show I'm seeing ads for on "E" Network. Sunset Tan...have you seen this? It's a show about a Hollywood Tanning Salon. I'm obviously biased and feel very strongly about this industry due to my career choice. But it's common knowledge how very dangerous tanning is...now we have a show glorifying it in a time where instances of malignant melanoma is up 4%every year since the '70s.

But back to this show. The salon feature packages called the Lindsey Lohan, show the day Crazy Britney came to get tan, and show a mom bringing her child (couldn't be more than ten) to the tanning salon because she "needs to get tan for her school pictures". Apparently, she was "a little too pale" last year for her picture, and needs to go tanning. The salesman asks her if she'd like to look like Lindsey Lohan...because they sell her the "cocktail" of 12 minutes in the bed, then a spray tan on top. The package? $1300. They then show a "confidential" shot of the salesman saying "cha-ching" in regards to taking that mom for a ride.

He took her for a ride, alright. In a time where malignant melanomas is the biggest killer cancer of people ages 20 to 30 years old, in a time where it has been proven that the UVA rays of a bed are exponentially more damaging than those of natural sun (which is still very dangerous for you), this mother is bringing her CHILD in, on purpose, to go tanning. And look like Lindsey Lohan. I'm not sure which is more disturbing.

Now, if you go tanning and love it, bully for you. You are entitled to treat your body any way you like. You know the risks and you make your choices. This post isn't about judgement. It's all fact that's out there for anyone to read.

But as an esthetician, I just cringe when I hear about tanning. I have seen so many 40 year old women who look older than my mother does at near 60 due to nothing more than tanning. Women who are spending thousands of dollars to try and reverse the signs of aging and trying to fix dermal-level damage. I have a thirty year old friend fighting his second round of malignant melanoma, with a back full of keloids from the giant patches of excised skin. He's scared he's not going to see his son grow up, and yet this MOTHER takes her child to the tanning bed so she can look darker for a freaking school picture.

Nothing says I love you, apparently, than encouraging skin cancer and making your daughter's face look like a leather handbag before she's a grandmother.

For more information about melanoma, photos of what to look for in a skin check, and to see profiles of those whose lives were lost (some as young as 15), please take a look htthere.

reconsituted eggs and veggie sausage product

Is what I had for breakfast. It's a miracle of science. It's powder, then it's eggs. My husband informed me this is exactly what is on that sausage and egg biscuit that I adore so much. Somehow when surrounded by a fried sausage patty and buttery flakey biscuity goodness, it's heaven in a greasy wrapper. When made in my own microwave? Not quite the breakfast of champions, but I will tell you it wasn't half bad. And that scares me.

I had to get back on the bandwagon, however. We had the big birthday BBQ bonanza on Sunday. I ate, and drank. And then drank more. I had my calories in a cup all day and was pretty much loopy by noon. The bouncy house went better than expected: I didn't see many of the fifteen to twenty children that were at our home most of the day. We didn't even take time to sing happy birthday. No time...must bounce.

And by 6pm? As predicted, the bouncy house was filled with drunken grownups.

An excellent party indeed.

Powdered eggs and coffee? Maybe not the hangover remedy of choice, but it made me feel better about being so very very ba the day prior. :)

Okay, so I'm blogging again...where are my fans?

This drama mama needs an audience, dammit! I'm sure I've been pulled off so many blogrolls, just because of a stupid overexposed snowman. Come back, people! I will be funnier! I will be deeper! I will only talk about about human excrement once...make that twice a month!

Today I will tell you that I started on Nutrisystem this week. No, I didn't pay the $300 for a month's worth of re-hydratable eggs and soy crisps. I do a bit of mystery shopping on the side, and got lucky this month.

So far, so good. The food is good. I'm not starving. Though you have to go out and buy a ton of fruits and veggies and milk and other protien. So my grocery budget were I doing this for real would be about $400. Just for me. Since we tend to keep our entire family's grocery bill at $200 for the month, looks like I'll be a Nutrisystem queen for 28 days plus one week of free food.

But here's something funny. The lunch portion of cheesy broccoli potatoes? Pretty tasty. It's about as much as a jar of babyfood, so I'm not sure what adult human stomach is satiated by it, but whatever. But here's the funny thing: on the side, it says "refrigerate unused portion". I'm a thick chick on a diet. You think I'll have leftovers, here?

Happy Mother's Day

To all mothers, everywhere.

It's the hardest, most fulfilling job there is.

It's filled with tons of tears, mostly yours.

It's a job that pays in itty bitty kisses and baby giggles.

It's a job that gives you benefit in realizing your higher worth.

It's all day, every day, and there's no union to prevent an abundance of night shifts.

It can be a thankless job, but you know if you walked away from it, so many would suffer.

Today, I thank my grandmother for showing me what it is to be a woman, my own mother who is my best friend, and my awesome husband for fixing a full breakfast in bed and allowing the children to take credit.

Today I thank my children for making me a mother.

Take a minute to scroll down a bit and click the icon on the right. Visit: The Shape of a Mother, and celebrate the wonderful bodies that bring life to the planet and joy to our lives.

I'm athletic, who knew?

Yes, I've been a blog slacker. I have, however, been very busy. I got tired of being tired, and joined a gym. Now, most of the world belongs to a gym, so why, you may ask, is that such a big whoop?

If you knew me, you'd know. This girl don't wear tennies that weren't made for fashion.

My husband trained (and finished with an awesome time last weekend) for the mini marathon all year. I on the other hand, ate lots of Long John Silver's chicken planks and dug the butt shaped furrow deeper on the far end of the couch.

So with January came resolutions. Mine included not being a fatass.

I work out now. Three times a week for an hour. Cardio, weights, classes, etc. I am not what anyone would call an "athlete", but hey...I congratulate myself if I can run on the treadmill through more than one song at a time. Sidenote: Missy Elliott DOES pair nicely with the Red Hot Chili Peppers when doing a slow jog. But I do manage to not puke after doing an hour and a half with the most sadistic aerobics instructor that Satan ever sent to any Ballys in the world. Anywhere. Even in LA. Promise.

I will tell you that I haven't lost a pound. Not ONE. Four months of excersizing my ass off and watching every morsel put in my mouth, and I still only fall three pounds shy of meeting my husband's weight...bastard.

But, on the positive side: I'm stronger. I can feel it. And I wore a size twelve pants the other day to work. They were tight, but not obscene. And I didn't even wear a tunic-tent to hide my ass. This is big news, people.

Stay tuned for my adventures in becoming the supermom I know I was meant to be.

With plenty of drama, I'm sure.